Michelle May

As the dust has settled i am seeing things more clearly- things that i did not trust myself to make any judgements on a few months ago.  Just like anything in life, people’s reactions & criticisms of often say more about them & their hang ups, than anything valid about you.  Friends who have divorced have told me this, and i never quite had anything very contraversial to apply that to, until this past summer in Iran.  Yes, being forcibly stopped, surrounded & abducted by 10 Basiji men is intimidating but it is *certainly* not the worst thing on earth.. But i was a bit surprised when a few close male friends (seperately) told me that i was making a big deal of nothing.  I definitely do not think it was a big deal compared to what others were going through but that does not mean that it still was not scary and did not deeply affect me- as it would others who are not used to living under those circumstances.  In talking to more friends about it now (I was pretty isolated after it happened) I see that it was normal to be scared.. & even a tiny bit traumatized.  Again- *certainly not* the worst thing that could happen but when you are alone in a foreign land, no one knows where you are, and you are a female with all men, it can be scary- especially given how unpredictable things were at the time & the fact that the Basiji certainly were to be feared.  

Five days after the abduction one of my male friends- whose opinion i highly valued- sat me down & gave me a talking to after i had trouble eating, sleeping & producing work in reaction to what happened.  In an annoyed manner, he told me that he also had a traumatic experience in Iran once: his car was broken into & his passport was stolen.  And that he had to get over it & move on & that i needed to stop sulking, and get over it too.  Maybe he just wanted to cheer me up- but the demeanor which he did this in suggested annoyance more than empathy.  He said that what happend to me & what happend to him were “the same thing” … hmmmm.. I get the moving on part, but a car break in- losing your things vs. being scared for your life/safety are not the same thing.  I could not believe what i was hearing.  I really was not trusting myself when he said that to me, so i just kept quiet…   

I met up with another male acquaintance from home, about a month after that.  Granted i do not really trust this person’s opinion much - he often seems to get great joy from pointing out people’s fauts.  Do not quote me on this- but within 15 minutes of seeing him, he went on to say “How on earth could you be so stupid to get your self in that situation?” and “On the one TV interview you had this grin, like ‘yeah i know i’m a bad ass.’”   actually this is sort of a noncomment/nonsurprise given the source, rite?!  Still, I pressed him about this & after a few beers (& possibly some superego getting him in check) he said that naysyers may just be jealous b/c they secretly wish they were out doing that sort of thing….

Just this weekend a close male friend questioned me- asking me why the thought that the Basij may kill me crossed my mind while that had me captive (uh, b/c they just abducted me- and they had killed others… and i was under allot of stress… errr—)- he went on to say that was foolish & that many people would simply brush the experience off (yes, i know–) and that i am “not a very hearty person” because it scared me so much.  I know that too- but….. but… but….  That said, he spent all summer in Ibiza on a news fast….

What is my point?  i guess to get some of this off my chest.  Most of my friends have been supportive & I am sure that this is these people’s way of showing support.. but i just wonder why a few *male* friends interpret what happened in this way.  No females have.  I am left thinking perhaps it is a macho thing- is it because i did not spend the summer at the mall putting on makeup?  Is it b/c they spent all summer get man-cials while drinking soy lattes when really they wished they were crossing the sahara atop a cargo truck?  i don’t know… but no matter, i hope there is some therapeutic benefit of airing my dirty laundry here in cyberspace. 

Tags: abduction, Iran protests.